Monday, April 12, 2010

Please indulge my complaining

I know I'm going to get a big 'I told you so' from my mother on this one but hey, sometimes (more than I'd care to admit actually) your mom is right! I'm starting to see the wisdom of raising you kids close to your family. There, I said it... MOM!

The reason this comes up is because I'm dying for a day (or two) off. It's been since early December since I've had more than two or three hours away from motherhood and that was to go to work so it wasn't really a break. And in the last months and a half or so we've had our issues with Oliver and his changing schedules, sleeping issues and him just being 1 and getting into everything. It's exhausting! I've called my mother many times to complain and ask for advice and I've got a few comments along the line of, 'Well if you were closer I could watch him for a while and give you a break'. How I wish I could take her up on that. A date night with my husband, a weekend where we could both sleep in, a day without whining...insert whistful sigh. I know, that's what I signed up for when we decided to have babies. I get that, I accept that but I'm still a person and sometimes you just need some time to yourself. And just to add to my complaining, living up here means that even if we found someone to watch Oliver here, where would we go?  

Unfortunately, even though we will be heading back down south in a few years,  I doubt we will ever live within babysitting distance of our parents. I do hope that I can do what my parents did with me growing up. I was shipped off to spend the summers in Ontario with my grandparents and I loved every second of it. Some of my best memories are of that time so I hope to give Oliver that same experience.

In the meantime, I have three months and a week till I head back south to wait for the baby to come. Then there will be family galore to give me the time I'm longing for. Too bad I'll have to wait till September for that date night since Nick won't be coming down till then but I can wait. Let the countdown begin.


Lindsay Niedzielski said...

Oh Morena, I totally get it...I would love to have alittle break from it all. I love my girls, and we have a blast together, but when I hear of friends down south dropping their kids off for the night at grandma and grandpa's to go out an do something fun, I am totally jealous (or both the dropping off part and the fun part!!!) I am really hoping that at some point we may live closer to my family, but it doesn't look like it is going to happen this next move either, so a few more years before it is even a possibility!!! Don't feel bad about complaining...I don't think alot of people get what it is like to have kids in the north unless they have been in that situation can be very rewarding, but very challenging too!! Hopefully the next couple of months fly by for you and then you can get a break...we can count down together because that is about the time that we will be flying home for our IPA!!!!

Matt, Kara, Hunter and Cavan said...

I feel your pain!! Since I had Hunter, I have only ever had one night away from him and I have yet to have a night without Cavan yet. The longest I have gone without both kids was for 7 hours this summer.

I want a break soooo bad! I have nice friends here, but no one who just says, "hey Kara! Want a break? Go out and drive your quad kid free all afternoon and by the way I will clean your house while you are out too!" Damn I really need a friend like that.

Matt has told me that once I get Cavan off the boob completely that I can take a weekend in Whitehorse by myself. Although, I think I want to go here for two weeks instead (might have to win a lottery first)...

pollyandaleczmom said...

I completely understand where you are coming from (but I am in the South and not the North!). It is tough when you and your husband are the only ones within 2500kms who can take care of the kids. And help only come the two times a year that you are able to get home! I know that it was even harder on me when Polly was about 2 and I was expecting Alec. You get slower and edgier and grumpier and just bloody tired!
Try to remember that you are doing something right now that most of your friends will never do. And while it makes it tough for them to understand your situation when you call them back in SJ to vent, it also makes you an AMAZINGLY tough woman. Not too many girls could do this, girlie! You are a strong woman.
I try to start my mornings off with a prayer for patience, joy and calm... and also a prayer that I won't have to start drinking before 3pm (which poses huge problems when you are pregnant). And I remember often that I would be a completely different mother and my kids would have completely different personalities if I was back on the East Coast parenting with the rest of my family to help.
I typically hit meltdown-mode every three-four months. Meltdown=balling up in a sobbing heap on the bed while Scott rubs my back and tells me that I am not a terrible mother, as I am claiming to be, and that it will get easier. I know you know it helps when you have a strong husband too. Nick is a wonderful friend, so I'm sure when that translates to husband you can multiply it by a million!
I just keep telling myself that when I come out the other end of this (as we hope to in the next 5 years) I will be a mom who can do ANYTHING and go ANYWHERE with my bunch and my kids will be the most well-adjusted brats on the face of the Earth!
Call sometime in the middle of the day when it gets hairy. Or better yet, hop a bloody plane and get down here... nursing a new born pool-side is TOTALLY all that it is cracked up to be!

Tigger said...

For all the reasons stated in your blog, and in the comments, we have made the tough decision to move back down south. My 2 year old son has never met his Grandma, Great-Grandma, Grandparents on his Dad's side, various aunts and uncles and cousins. My 4 year old daughter hasn't seen most of them since she was less than 2. Our kids have had no 'family' birthday parties, Christmas mornings, or Thanksgiving dinners. I would love to leave the kids at my Mom's and have a night out with my husband.
There are so many great things about living in the North, but I would have to say that the biggest drawback is how far away it is from 'the south'!!
So, complain! I don't blame you.
"Super-Moms" need a break too!

Cynthia said...

Oh Morena! I so feel for you, though I must admit that I am one of the lucky ones with both grandmothers in the same city (though that too has it's downside, but I will not get in to that:)).
I hope you meet some friends that you can trade off children for a few hours so you can at least take a walk to explore by yourself and get away from the wining for awhile... or drop Oliver off for a few hours so you can have some uninterrupted time in your home (a nap maybe??)... What about a date night at home with Nick while a friend watches Oliver for a few hours??
Anyway, I know that I am full of suggestions, but I have no real concept of what you are living through... but complain away - moms will not think any less of you because we all have non-motherly feelings every once in awhile... and countdown to your time at home (I hope to see you when you are here).


Nicole Furlotte said...

Remember that time I called you when you were in edmonton and said I "needed to get away"? I can totally relate honey. Being a 24/7 mom is EXHAUSTING!! Not to mention annoying on a bad day. lol.It may be awhile before you are living close to your family and friends but the time will come when you will be able to just go out for a night, when you will have reliable babysitters and places to go on a date with your husband. Hang in there girl, its going to be a long couple of years. Once baby #2 is here I suggest wine as a coping mechanism. lol
Love you honey. Cant wait to see you in september.

Morena said...

Thanks everyone for the understanding. It's nice to know I'm not the only one feeling this way and that it's ok to vent about it.

I have great friend, the ones I know in person and the ones I only know in cyberspace. Thanks.

Aida said...

i totally get it when I was living in Arviat!! I am SOOOOOOO thankful for living here now. My babysitter is awesome!! like super awesome that I can call her anytime and she can take the kids and me and the man can go out, Iqaluit is not Ottawa but just time to ourselves is priceless. I hope we can have an "overnight" date when we go home to the in laws this summer.

I hope these months passes by fast for you.