Weighing In

When I read the latest post from 'The Help' over at  A Slice Of Deep Fried Awesome the first thing I thought was that I could have written that post. I have been a fat girl for most of my adult life and even though I know I should have made the changes years ago, I think I've always been in denial. I always joke that I have a reverse eating disorder: People with anorexia look in the mirror and see a themselves as fat when they are way too skinny. I look in the mirror and think it's not that bad when clearly, it's bad. It's mostly when I look at pictures of myself that I really understand what I've become. And when I walk up the stairs, when I bend over, when I feel my gut sitting on my legs when I sit down....

The last couple of months before I went on vacation in July I had started going to the gym and spending some quality time with the treadmill. I dutifully brought my gym clothes to New Brunswick saying that I would continue but of course, I didn't. I was very busy and active however so I managed not to gain any weight even though I was eating like I was on vacation. I kept telling myself that when I got back I would finally make a change. I just couldn't be in denial any longer. Luckily, Nick also made the same decision for himself, without my saying anything. I am pleased to announce that we are both on day two of our respective diets. The day two update is: I'm starving. But I'm committed so I'm going to suffer through. Maybe I'll go and eat a big bag of mini carrots to get me through to supper.

The irony of dieting for me is that these healthy changes means plan, plan, plan. All that planning means that I'm constantly thinking about food. How many points are in that? What foods can I eat the most of for the least amount of damage? What am I going to make Nick for dinner? Since he's doing a different plan we are eating completely opposite things. And then what do I feed the kids? Isaac is still eating baby style foods so there is alot of preparation required for him too. There is also the added difficulty of living in the north were fresh meat and veggies are sometimes hard to come by.

All of this are just excuses in the end because if I really want it, I'll make it happen. I have set a not so lofty goal of losing 5% of my total weight to start out but haven't set a time frame for it to happen. Once I get there, I'll work on another 5%. My ultimate goal is somewhere in the ballpark of 70 pounds but that number is just too daunting at the moment. Smaller goals mean more successes (hopefully) and success means staying motivated.

Just like The Help, I'm not going to make the blog a platform for my diet. I am however choosing to make a public announcement about my intentions in the hope that you all might keep me accountable. Even if it's only in head. Weight loss for me is mostly a mental game and I can use all the help I can get.